Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
... with butts again.

Buttplant01 by Waittiz   Buttplant02 by Waittiz

I seriously have no idea what I'm doing. And I wonder if anyone else gets the "buttplant" except for the people playing FlightRising.
This is probably going to be mostly a summary of the year and since this year hasn't been too good for me, feel free to ignore this. I just once again feel like getting something out of my system. I should probably have a rant blog or something to spare people of my shitty bablings...

I've been thinking too much once again. Thinking how deep one can fall during one single year. During the start of this year I was actually darn happy. I thought I had finally found myself something special, something to aim for the future. Then reality kicked in and I got a reminder how you actually shouldn't have any expectations towards anything - least for people. My two months of happiness ended up in some terrible anxiety attacks and frustration. Gladly, they lasted only for a while and June went past quite calmly. Then came July...
I still remember how during one of the few first days of July I told a friend of mine how oddly good I felt and ended up wondering what karma will throw on my way next. That day, either the first or third of July, was the last day when I've felt any positive feeling. Few weeks after that I started to suffer from anxiety and insomnia - I must admit that during some desperate hours in the morning after not being able to sleep as I felt like shit I found out that biting your arms as hard as you could is a nice way to get something else to think about for a while. That's the only way how I was able to sleep for a few hours during the first night of hell. Concentrating on the pain. I now know why people in desperate situations keep hurting themselves. Because it really helps...
I somehow struggled a month like that before I finally went to see a doctor in order to get even something to be able to sleep. I got a med for depression - one which works as a sedative as well - and for a while things seemed better. I was leaving to do the first half of my internship nearly half of the country away, and had to leave my pets in the care of my parents. Well, I knew they would be in a good place but still I was afraid about the whole thing. Mostly, I guess, it was because I had no idea how to get along without my pets even if I stayed at a friend's place. At times it was hard of course. It would have been no matter where I would have spent the next few months.
I guess my mood gradually got a bit better and then started to drop once again. Then I got the call that my oldest bird Tico was sick. I gave instructions what to do with him, and for a while it seemed like he would have gotten a bit better. The last few weeks in the south still were quite terrible. The last day I spent at my intership place I was about to start crying any moment - and it wasn''t because I would have felt sad about leaving, it just was my current mood. The evening I spent curled up in a couch crying my eyes out. I hadn't heard any news of Tico, but when I got back to my parents' place several days later, I was crying my eyes out once again. Tico was barely a shadow of what he had been. His skin was covered in something which seemed like multiple small granulations and he had lost lots of weight. While I was trying to contact a vet who would know something about birds, Tico's condition dropped and his skin started to bleed. Just the day when I got a reply from an avian vet, I had to make the decision to take Tico for his last trip. I was able to spend three days with him. Those three days were once again a living hell. I barely was able to do anything else than cry, walk around and kick the walls. And then I had to give up of the fight and say good bye for my little bird. My very first tame bird. The bird who jumped all around the keyboard while I and my childhood friend were playing on the computer. The bird who ate my Swedish homeworks and who tried to chew the end of my brush while I was painting. The bird who went to shower with me. The bird to whom I ended up having not enough time for and who got alienated from humans. The bird who never bit me, not even then when I was holding him for the last time when the vet gave him the overdozed shot of sedatives.
The first time I left my pets for a bit longer while after feeling extremely distressed about the whole idea, and the result was this. And it wasn't a mistake made by my parents which caused Tico's condition. It was lymphoma, spread into his liver, accompanied by a bacterial infection on his skin and an acute myocardial dystrophy. Just when I left my pets for two and a half months...

You can guess the rest of my internship I felt anyway broken. The past two months I've mostly wanted to hate whole existence. I still have my two remaining birds and my dog, but I can't even enjoy their company. I feel like I'm slipping away from them and everything else, but especially I feel myself even more terrible as I feel like I can't show my pets the affection they should deserve. My temper has also gotten worse and I have troubles bearing with Jiri's screeching (and of course he screeches as his pal was taken away!) or Gaia's barking. And every time I end up roaring back at them I feel even more terrible. That's not like me. I'm the one with extremely long nerves, even in that amount I can quite well tolerate all kind of shit even from other people. Or that was me...

And now, for the last three weeks or so I've also had this darn pain in my leg. It's mostly around the hip joint and like I've mentioned I got a shot of cortisone for it as the joint seemed inflamed. It was a week ago and while walking somehow I feel like I get my leg even more achy than before the shot. So when everyone else is hyping about Christmas, I'm sitting alone in my old room wondering when I could walk again without that much pains.

I'm angry at world. I'd like to scream right at one person's face. I'd like to rip my leg off so I could get rid of that darn pain. I'd just like to stay in my bed and wait until everything is over. I feel forgotten and left alone. I want to be alone. I need help but am too tired to talk.
I know I'll meet one old friend during Christmas, after not seeing them for a year. I can't feel excited. One of my best friends is getting married during the New Year's Eve. I wish I could feel happy for them.
I feel numb and cynical.

No matter how nicely this year started, everything has just been crumbling down and I can't really say I would miss this year when it finally is over. At the same time I know that the oncoming year won't be any better. I'll probably end up more thrown above nothing than ever before.

So, reality, who ever is on charge of that... Could I get even a small slight ray of hope as a Christmas present? That's all I'm asking for.

Too tired and not caring to check out the grammar and misspellings... Good luck if you read all of that through. You'd deserve a medal :thumbsup:
Good bye, my little boy...

Serenity by Waittiz Little Colour To This World by WhitePhoenix7

_ _ _ _
Sometimes I'd just like to fall to the ground, raise my hands and give up. My mental state dropped back to quite terrible level after I got back up north after the first part of my internship. Before I got back to my pets I had heard another of my Cockatiels is sick, but after seeing in what condition he was I nearly cried my eyes out. I've tried to contact vets in order to figure out what it is. Today he is in even more terrible shape. I don't care how sick ever I am but why can't even my pets be spared from all this shit?

Nothing else either does seem to work out like they should.

I don't have the stregth to fight and I should at least try to fight for my bird. This is going to be an ugly battle.
Tällainen myöhäinen pikailmoitus, että jos Traconiin sattuu eksymään populaa jota kiinnostaisi meikäänkin törmätä, pyörin siellä molempina päivinä pääasiassa taidekujan tienoilla apukäsinä ja pelkäämässä ihmisiä. Etsikää ihme halpisstetsonihattupää, tarkoitus on kyhätä jonkinlainen nimilappukin, että ehkä siitäkin voi jotain päätellä. Mut voi jossain välissä myös napata mukaan pyörimään muuallekin, seura seikkaillessa olisi ihan jees, jos kettään kiinnostoapi.
Apparently I'm once again falling in the habit of ranting in dA, sorry.

I mentioned around May that I had been suffering from depression for a few weeks. After some quite terrible anxiety attacks I started to feel somewhat more stable. Maybe I even felt happy a few times, but then got struck with it again in July. Back then the worst went over in few weeks but I've still been mentally unstable after it. Now I'm again quite deep in one of those mental pits and on top of that feeling like I've lost one of the main reasons which have kept me going for some time. I still have my pets, though. My internship just starts in a few weeks and I'll have to leave them behind. Besides of all the other mental fun that actually makes me scared. I know I'm not going to be in a bad place or have to be alone but I'm still just simply scared. At the same time I also know I've fallen behind with my studies ages ago and have below zero motivation or strength to try to fix that and I'm just thinking about quitting the whole thing.
 My head is a mess and my life is a mess. I don't see a point in my life, not even in the future. I try to think that one day this feeling will go away but at the same time I know that even if it would, it would just eventually come back.

I'm too tired to do a thing and I have no idea where I'm going with my life. Is there an option of not going anywhere?
  • Listening to: My ringing phone. Damn the telemarketers.
And what comes to art, 2015 was possibly the worst year ever (I guess you've noticed that). I wished to draw many new pieces and challenge myself with new things. And just how many pieces I finished...
Well, it wasn't all that terrible. I made some rather quick linearts or other stuff (not uploaded here because reason x, y and z...) that actually turned out pretty nicely for some random doodling. Other than that... I guess I just managed to broke my annual artistic habits. It feels weird not to have a summary of the pieces done each month and I didn't even draw anything for October. Even the Christmas picture was a real quickie (although it took some few hours anyway - I'm terribly slow at drawing).

Though, I made probably the best "artistic" discovery in ages when I realised that I can't draw. And before you all shout "nonsense!" in my face, I'll try to explain it better: I can draw as long as I have an exact reference about what I'm drawing. What comes to trying to adapt something, like anatomy, from one view into another, I have terrible troubles with it. I guess I have some issues with my three-dimensional perception. I thought it shows only when I'm trying to draw the perspectives but I'm starting to think it affects the adaptation of other things in art as well. Or then I just can't draw. Maybe I can draw bird-like things somewhat correctly at times but if I've achieved the point where I am with some twelve years of practise there's really something wrong with my skills. But however, this doesn't still mean I would stop drawing. Maybe one day I will spam you with my incorrect art like some years ago but it depends if I ever get back my will to draw. You may say "don't be so harsh to yourself" when criticising my own art but nope, it's not about that anymore, at least not totally. A part of me would itch to pick up a pen and draw something but another part of me is like pffffth, no. It's a strange feeling.

Other than art, it's been in some ways a rather interesting year. Once again I met some new people, icluding a few who I've known from dA for years but haven't ever met them face-to-face before. I after all got to travel this year too (actually more and further than I thought I would) and saw some new places, I had some fun time during my internship in summer and the year has been filled with terrible jokes and I regret nothing. The not-so-positive fact is of course my once again failing health but this far, nothing too serious to stop me from going on though suffering from dizzyness for several days was almost stopping me from going anywhere since I felt like I would fell over any moment...

I have already some plans for this new year too and am eager to see if they will happen or if I'll have to come up with something else. And for anyone who read this rambling through, I wish you a (hopefully) Happy and Artistic New Year! :3
  • Reading: too much to read, can I die here?
Hello SAD, my old friend.
For quite a while I've been looking in my inbox sparing some of the new deviations in there and thinking that I'll one day take a better look on them and try to get something commented about them. Now when the amount of those pictures grew up to 600 I think my plan has failed. So instead I'm just looking all of them through and continue with my silent life on this site. I should also reply to some of the few new comments I've gotten myself but I'm not absolutely sure when I'll get to that either. Apart from feeling (and being) unproductive with art it somehow spread to communicating as well. I'm trying to kick myself at writing even something especially in English at times because I can already notice how much harder it is to write English these days than what it was once before. My brain just can't. It's terrible. I need more coffee...

Other than that, apparently my art block wants to stay here even after our happy anniversary, I'm developing new health issues to accompany all of the old ones, school is keeping me busy and once again I just feel like hibernating over the winter. So nothing new here except for my new noisy neighbours.

Now all of you unfortunate enough to stumble upon here, have a nice Halloween or just a nice weekend if you're not up to all that stuff o/
  • Reading: ugh
  • Drinking: coffee
Hi there guys and yes, I'm still alive. I hope you all are as well.

Maybe some of you remember how I've said that with this art block of mine (which I have had more or less for about a YEAR now) I feel like I can't draw a sh*t but gladly I have some unfinished works laying around so I could always get back to working on them if I can't do aynthing else? Well, yesterday I tried. Apparently since I have last time tried to paint a background around January I have no more any idea how to paint digitally. Of course it doesn't help at all that I've long since forgotten which brush settings I used to have on my SAI before because I  LOST ALL OF THEM when my laptop's hard drive broke down.

Practise again, you say? It's the idea I've had as well. There's just this problem that you can't really call anything as "practise" if you may or may not have only two nights during a week when you might be able to properly immerse yourself in arting. I'm a slow worker, I can't get about anything done in only few hours so even trying feels like a waste of time.

I don't know if this block is actually caused by stress or what but I'm still kinda waiting to see if it gets over after I finish my school. Though if I'm not able to get back to drawing and painting for three years to come am I even able to start it again afterwards? With the current amount of decreasing in my skills I'm quite sure it would at least mean starting ALL OVER again. Well, that's to be seen.

I'll try my best with working when I just can on all the art I owe for people, especially a trade part and that raffle-prize ACEO. I know I owe other stuff for people too but you all know that I intent to not forget any of them. At least I think I have them all listed up somewhere around here...

I'll try not to bother you guys too often with these rants anymore, I certainly don't even know why I'm writing these down here in the first place. At least it's a bad way at showing that I actually do still exist here somewhere... Stay safe peeps! Waittiz is out o7
  • Reading: All the school stuff
  • Playing: with my life
  • Drinking: tea
The raffle is closed! The random number generator has picked me the winner too, so when I'm finished with the ACEO you'll get to know the lucky one.

Thanks again for all of you who participated! There was a bunch of great characters! AND A PURDY BUNNEEEEEEH! |3
_ _ _ _
I got a sudden brain dysfunction (not literally) and thought that I could try to hold another art raffle if I could motivate myself doing something that way. And the safest thing to offer is something little and simple, so it will be an ACEO card (or something little done digitally if I for some reason just am not capable of doing traditional but that's quite unlikely). I feel free to pick the tools myself. Still it's probably a watercolour work. I'll eventually send the original card for the winner as well.

So, this is how it works:
-post a character reference here under this journal (lets say maximum is 4 different characters so I won't have too much trouble choosing the one I'll draw) *If you don't have any characters it can be your pet or some animal as well. If you have any wishes for the picture you can add some to your comment too. I'm still taking the freedom of deciding what I'll exactly do.
-I'll give each participant a number starting from 1
-after a few days I'll use a random number generator to choose the winner
*You don't have to be my watcher. Feel free to spread the word if you like! Though of course more participants will lower your chance to win. BUT THE MORE THE MERRIER.

I'll keep this journal open for a few days but I'll see if I extend the time if there's not too many people taking part in the raffle by then.

  • Listening to: Blutengel - Asche zu Asche
  • Watching: my socks
  • Drinking: coffee
HEY PEOPLE LOOK AT THIS! *hyping around with the picture*
Skies On Fire by Occuuria Because there will never be too much Dale.

Maybe my point was (though Occuuria certainly needs some featuring even if she's on a hiatus - even better, go and throw her with strawberries so she'll have something to wonder about next time she's back) that if you like to see some of my so-called art it might be a good time to keep an eye on my scrap account Valkeavaara. I haven't got much to upload but at least I finally managed to scan some scraps to upload there as soon as I'll install my Photoshop again or rather when I first manage to find the installation files.

*!Rantish warning!* (Don't read it if you don't want to. I won't blame you, I'm just a whining monkey.)
I can say my arting is real boring at the moment. The only things I'm able to do are some basic headshots. Even better, my attitude towards headshots are that they are ok if done sporadically, but if I see a person whose gallery is >50% headshots I look at it like "meh", no matter how fancy style the artist would have. And there comes the problem... I certainly don't want my gallery to look like something I'm myself looking at and thinking "oh gods this looks so boring!". (And in case there's someone who's drawing mostly headshots and they happen to read this, no offence. It's just my opinion.)
It's scary that this art block has lasted for 10 months already. Around Christmas I drew those few pictures seen in my gallery and somehow they still look somewhat decent even for myself. After that the block just has gone more worse. I guess the best moment was when I was trying to draw a few nights ago and it all just ended basically into a little mental breakdown. Okay, there's other things which affected it as well but drawing and realizing how much I _dislike it_ was possibly the final nail in the coffin. If drawing gives me stress what could I do to soothe my nerves? Drawing was always before that therapy I needed when I wanted to calm myself down. I'm not too sure if I should just take a good break of drawing or if I should force myself to do it like I've done before 'till this point. I certainly want to draw but most of the time can't draw anything that would look even slightly decent. Or maybe I'll just go on with those headshots wishing that I'll one day be able to draw something else too. It's just so confusing how your life long favourite hobby can become something you feel disgusting to do.

So mostly I'm just sitting back and enjoying the art the rest of you people do. And keep working if you just can. There's people who have given up with their hobby after simply losing their interest towards it even if they didn't wish that to happen. So RISE AND SHINE. It's always lovely to see how people improve with their drawing skills.
The word of the day. Just sayin' that my internship will be over tomowwor (I AM SURE THAT IS A VALID WORD. What? It isn't? What kind of dictionary do you exactly have?), six weeks passed like flying. Considering how much more FUN working has been than sitting at the lectures listening to all the random babbling that basically has nothing to do with the exact library work I'm so not waiting for the end of the summer. Well, another 2,5 years to go... At least now I can be rather sure that I'm studying (for once) on the right branch.

I'm also going on a little unholy trip later this week, don't know how much I'll be online during that time. If you won't hear anything from me after the start of August you can get a little worried. I'm anyway travelling in company who's rather likely trying to kill me in some creative way. But don't feel too sorry for me, I would probably have died of laughter.
Hopefully going to see some new old faces on that trip too, YUSH.

Also, art block, would you mind renting a new place for yourself? I don't want to have you around anymore.
EDIT: Got a new hard drive and installed the Windows (even managed to upload most of the updates for it. There wasn't more than about 200 of them, eh....)
So, I'm slowly getting back in bussiness. Out of the programs I had I yet have only antivir and firewall + Firefox and Skype. The next problem is that where on earth did I put the registration key for my SAI... But at least starting my laptop doesn't take 10 minutes anymore.

Gah, organizing everything again... How lovely. (I haven't yet dared to look through which of my files I lost with the old hard drive... I actually didn't have the backups from June, but from the end of May. Nnnnnnnnggggghhhh.....!)

_ _ _ _
So the hard drive of my computer finally screwed itself up during sunday U: So do not wonder if I'm again so inactive here and won't reply to comments. I have my tablet but the mobile version of dA works even more terribly with it than what I previously thought (only now I bothered to borrow my mother's computer to submit this journal. This laptop's just almost as laggy as my tablet so it doesn't do much change if compared to surfing with my tablet...)

Anyhow. I don't have my programs and whatnot so you certainly don't have to wait any new art from me for a while. I would actually have been working on something little lately but I lost my latest files. Gladly I made the last back-ups a few weeks ago so I shouldn't have lost such a many files after all. It still pisses me off anyway.

I've orderer a new hard-drive but don't know if it will arrive before the weekend or not. If not.... I'll just sit in some dark corner of my room listening to some German music I GLADLY have on one CD. At least I started my internship this week too so I have even something to do during the day time. Not that I would be too fond of getting up around 6.30 a.m. when the normal time I went to bed has been around 5 a.m. for a while now.... Lets see how long I'll live.

You guys play nicely out there, Waittiz is out o7
  • Drinking: Instant coffee.... PLEASE GIVE ME REAL DARK ROAST.

I'm like so excited. Actually my vacation started already two days ago but the start of it was something... so unmotivating that I don't know even. It includes things like missing one exam by over sleeping it, losing my internet connection for two days AND NOT BEING ABLE TO WORK ON ONE GROUP ASSIGNMENT I SHOULD HAVE SENT TO OUR TEACHER BY WEDNESDAY NIGHT and losing one-nights-sleep for no obvious reasons, maybe partly because of pains. I felt reeeeeeally alive yesterday /not/. Well, now I have my interwebs back, have slept well and can get back to that group assignment. Maybe even the rest of my group members would get their grades out of that course in time because I can't since I missed the exam. Horray.

30 days to be spent before my internship. Gladly there's at least one week which hopefully will be a bit more exciting, and hopefully I can finally get some of my health issues solved. Other than that the word of the daymonth will be SCHOOL WORKS. I need some coffee... (Okay, I got one little commission actually SO THAT'S SOMETHING AT LEAST.)

I certainly wish all you guys better times where ever you fare and whether you'll be having some vacations or not. Play nicely, okay? o7
Computer things here: Hoookay, so my brother figured out there's actually nothing wrong with the hard drive but apparently Windows just messed something up. No wonder, though. The installation is already over 3 years old. At least I don't have to buy a new hard drive but I'll still have to make back-ups of my files since the operating system needs to be re-installed. Hopefully that will speed up this laptop a bit (it seriously takes at least 10 minutes for it to start up... Otherwise it has worked just fine). At least I don't have to wonder what to do during the weekend... I'm so not waiting for installing all the programs again but if I'll survive that and manage to get all the necessary things working I could try to promise some streaming during the May Day.

Vacation things here: Other than that, my summer vacation apparently starts after 2,5 weeks. I thought I'd start my internship then but when discussing about it the employer wished I would be there working during July and thus I would start in the middle of June. All the same for me really, my summer plans came crashing down anyway a while ago. I can as well have my summer vacation in two parts.

Commission things here: And what comes for the vacation... I thought I could take a couple of commissions then since I have rent and bills to pay but won't get almost any money at all during the summer. So... Tentatively, would there be people interested about commissioning me? I'm still pretty confused about using PayPal but maybe I could figure that out. For me it would be easier if there would be possible commissioners from Finland but I could see about that PayPal payment possibility.
I haven't figured out the possible prices yet but for example I guess a full digital commission could be something like 45-80 € depending about the complexity of the picture (45€ for something simpler without a too detailed background and 80€ for something with more effects and more complex background etc.).
Of course I could do other kind of commissions too, like simple character pictures, busts, linearts, sketches and so on and those would be somewhat cheaper too. I'm not totally excluding traditional commissions either but I'm a bit careful with them since I'd still have one traditional trade part as my burden and I lack confidence on my skills with those mediums. Aaaand probably traditional would be more expensive anyway.

So yeah... Busy life is busy. And filled with school assignments. I'll have those for summer, too...
Apparently the hard drive is partly broken. My laptop starts up and loads Windows but it jammed when trying to start the firewall. Unistalling the firewall didn't help since after trying to re-install it it seems like a part of the old installation is still on the hard drive possibly somewhere in the broken area thus the new installation asks to uninstall the old one first. Soooooo we're not getting far with that. I can somewhat use that computer, though, but at least I'm not going to use the net with it too much. That leaves me with only my tablet for surfing and that crappy thing can't even load the pages here in dA right (or then I just don't know how the use the mobile version of this site. Anyway, I didn't even figure out how I could have written a new journal entry with it).

Edit: I got to borrow a computer but actually this thing doesn't seem to be much better if compared to my tablet |'D Oh well, a keyboard. That's something!
So untill that gets resolved I'm rather likely quite inactive here. If you miss me I'm on FR but probably won't be too active there either. Maybe I'll visit dA sometimes after school. We'll see. I just feel like dying might be a good solution with all these life and health issues I'm currently having >___> And I should go driving for a few hours with a headache and aching neck, yay! //not//
I feel like I've been raised from the dead.
The whole winter I thought I must have some new health issues since I had constantly head-aches and I was so darn tired. Basically I went to school, got back at my flat, took the dog out and slept through the evening. Then I got myself a new apartment.
Suddenly I can well go on after about 5,5 hours of sleep. Suddenly I don't have head-aches every day. What I thought was health issues was actually my ex-neighbour smoking in their apartment. There was constantly smoke in my apartment as well but I had grown so used to that smell I didn't even notice it most of the time - my body of course just did. After I moved in into this new flat I've felt more alive than in months. I may have a strange upstairs-neighbour singing karaoke and shouting at head-voices at times in the middle of the night but hey, THEY DON'T SMOKE. I'm just worried how much living in that old apartment has affected the health of my birds. At least I'm having my hopes up about them not being sick so often anymore.

Also, you probably don't have to be a sherlock to notice the lack of new art in my gallery (except for those three things I've submitted this year). The reason is simple: art block. Well yeah, we all have those at times and even I had that one 8 months long art block few years ago but still this one is quite spooky. Makes me think once again "why even bother". Currently I don't care if anyone would actually even see the art I'm working on since I tried to prep myself into thinking that if it isn't for any other purpose, it is at least for myself. This time I don't even know why should I draw for myself.
I've been sketching, though. Some anatomically horrible sketches. (Well, actually there's a bunch of bad jokes also but they are simply for the jokes. Possibly the only things that have been fun to do, possibly the only things nobody else than only one person would ever even get). Sometimes I even get the inspiration for something bigger and start to work on it but a day later it all looks like sh*t and I feel like throwing it out of the window. Because why should I try? If I'm trying to draw for myself and the result is something I don't like then there's simply no point. I never thought this point of view could hit you back but it's probably even worse than if you're working for the audience.

There. I got it out of my system. First step of trying to get over it...
Edit: Yup, I'll get myself an internet connection in some point within the next two weeks so I'll be kinda dead here in dA. Maybe I'll pop in sometimes after school but probably I'll save that time for FlightRising. I'm going to visit my parents to pick up my birdies during the weekend so that's when I might be more online.

_ _ _
I'll maybe take a compulsory short hiatus from dA. I checked today if the net works on my new apartment but at least this far it didn't. It may be that the modem just needs a bit more of time to get itself connected with all dem stuff but I'm not really having high hopes of it. It's also possible that someone needs to come and do some installation for it before it will work and that won't anyway happen before next week.

See you all some day again~

Omstart! Enemmän nettiä, yhyy...
Bloody hell... I just can't believe this. The world could anyway use more of these geniouses with some great attitude and imagination and the balls to do what they want to never minding the opinions of others. And instead we lose again one of them.

Farewell, Sir Terry.

<da:thumb id="519730738"/> So long. by AlectorFencer
Oh right. It can.

One good thing about the end of my vacation: I get to go to school and think less about the approaching move. And then the move will be current. AND THEN IT WILL BE OVER. If I'm still alive next Sunday I won't complain.

So I'll be going back to my (soon-to-be-ex-)apartment tomorrow. If my net connection just cares to work I might try out Picarto streaming in some point because I'm probably just feeling rather happy if I can soothe my nerves a bit by drawing. And I certainly wouldn't mind if there was people to chat with. I know I should start packing and cleaning up but in some point I'll just have to have a pause. Seriously, the last time I stressed about something this badly was in December when I started to be manically nervous already a week before I had to keep my literary presentation in English at school. Funny thing is that I haven't stressed my past moves this much. Sometimes I really don't get what my mind is doing.

One thing I know is that the day after tomorrow I'll walk as far away as I can with my dog and try to find us some nice pathway in the middle of a forest while trying to forget where the hell I am... The best way to get rid of stress is simply just going in the middle of nowhere.
Have a nice and relaxing winter vacation, they said. It'll be fun, they said.

As if.

Now when I'm having a bit of free time I'd love to say that you can except some new proper art from me someday soon. But since reality likes to kick people in the face I won't say that. Including things like health issues with my dog and troubles with some paper work concerning my new rental contract I feel pretty pissed off right now. Those things also lead to extra going of money and certainly make me feel even better(!). All of a sudden getting unemployed would sound rather compelling (I'd get more money if I just sat down doing nothing than now when stressing out with school stuff and all - and even better, if I was unemployed I might actually have time to take some commissions to help off with all this financial shait *facepalm*)

I would have some unfinished art pieces all around once again but... meh. I'm probably just doodling some things I'm not going to upload here. Or maybe if the motivation strikes I might do some little watercolour painting practises for getting the hang of them again. Other than that I'd just like to travel somewhere. And since the most of my friends actually live in the same city as where I study or then nearly on the other side of this country I don't really have much choices for that. Maybe during the summer vacation, then... Niin että kamelit hei, jos kellään teistä on liikaa aikaa tod.näk. heinä-elokuussa ja jaksaisitte mun tyhmiä juttuja, suuntavaihtoehtoja voi heitellä (välimatkan tosin olisi oltava autolla ajettava... Kauempana asuvia voin tulla kiusaamaan kunhan jaksan hankkia opiskelijakortin, höhöhöö). Jos mukaan voi ottaa koirankin, aina parempi. P.S. Ei millään pahalla teitä Oulu-immeisiä kohtaan, pitäisi teihinkin törmäillä useammin x>

Feeling this motivated I'd just wish someone would wake me up when it's summer. I'm missing the nice summer nights at our cabin watching the sunsets over the lake.
 And maybe I finally would figure out what could be a suitable target for a crossbow pistol. That thing has been laying around here unused for way too long. I dare not to use my Swedish lesson materials concerning the grammar for that matter even if I'd sometimes felt like it...

Hopefully you're all well and alive there. If you aren't feel absolutely free to come and rant about it to me. (Seriously. I don't mind.)
I think I'll have some Skyrim theraphy...
  • Listening to: I don't know, ask Riskikoi
  • Watching: Riskikoi's stream
  • Eating: some school works, possibly