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Apparently I'm once again falling in the habit of ranting in dA, sorry.
I mentioned around May that I had been suffering from depression for a few weeks. After some quite terrible anxiety attacks I started to feel somewhat more stable. Maybe I even felt happy a few times, but then got struck with it again in July. Back then the worst went over in few weeks but I've still been mentally unstable after it. Now I'm again quite deep in one of those mental pits and on top of that feeling like I've lost one of the main reasons which have kept me going for some time. I still have my pets, though. My internship just starts in a few weeks and I'll have to leave them behind. Besides of all the other mental fun that actually makes me scared. I know I'm not going to be in a bad place or have to be alone but I'm still just simply scared. At the same time I also know I've fallen behind with my studies ages ago and have below zero motivation or strength to try to fix that and I'm just thinking about quitting the whole thing.
My head is a mess and my life is a mess. I don't see a point in my life, not even in the future. I try to think that one day this feeling will go away but at the same time I know that even if it would, it would just eventually come back.
I'm too tired to do a thing and I have no idea where I'm going with my life. Is there an option of not going anywhere?
I mentioned around May that I had been suffering from depression for a few weeks. After some quite terrible anxiety attacks I started to feel somewhat more stable. Maybe I even felt happy a few times, but then got struck with it again in July. Back then the worst went over in few weeks but I've still been mentally unstable after it. Now I'm again quite deep in one of those mental pits and on top of that feeling like I've lost one of the main reasons which have kept me going for some time. I still have my pets, though. My internship just starts in a few weeks and I'll have to leave them behind. Besides of all the other mental fun that actually makes me scared. I know I'm not going to be in a bad place or have to be alone but I'm still just simply scared. At the same time I also know I've fallen behind with my studies ages ago and have below zero motivation or strength to try to fix that and I'm just thinking about quitting the whole thing.
My head is a mess and my life is a mess. I don't see a point in my life, not even in the future. I try to think that one day this feeling will go away but at the same time I know that even if it would, it would just eventually come back.
I'm too tired to do a thing and I have no idea where I'm going with my life. Is there an option of not going anywhere?
For those who want to know where I've been
My last life update was apparently a year ago, buuuut... Well, the start of last year wasn't all that interesting - except I got finally a working medication for the depression, AND I developed a constant fatigue in the spring. I'm still struggling with it and it's only getting worse, and at the moment I'm at that point where I can't remember a sh*t and most of the times I'm simply too tired to do anything supposedly clever. Sometimes it even feels like I don't have the energy to simple things like eat. For the past few weeks I've had things to do IRL and have had to move around and at this point I feel like a total zombie and certainly can't function like a normal human being, and the doctors I've met don't care at all. It's the same reason why I stopped going to therapy as my therapist was only concerned about the fact that I don't go to work now when my depression has gotten better, no matter how much I told her about the fatigue I'm having. Like, yeeeeaaaah. Where the heck I'm
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8m Friese Tyrian with Rare tail.
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7m Friese with 2x Rare & 1UC trait
8m Akhal Friese with 3x UC trait
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6m Opal Friese Tyrian
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Looking for a Life
Random ramblings of a tired, stressed and anxious mind... Life is currently pushing me to look forward. Requiring me to look forward. But all I can see forward in my life is pitch blackness.
Instead, I started to look backwards while trying to figure out how I've dealt with life before. The last few years... They basically feel like they haven't been even my life at all. Like I've been living the life of somebody else.
Now it feels like life has finally swallowed the remainings of what those odd few years had offered to keep me going, and I should look for whatever there was before. But what exactly was there before those times?
There was
General 'what Waittiz has been up to' -journal
Sept 1st
So I saw somebody else to have this kind of journal ('ello Mookie!) and though that instead of spamming(?) new journals, I also could have one where to slap stuff instead. My latest journal has anyway been one of the... more depressing journals, so maybe it's good to swipe it somewhere from the front. Not that my current feeling would be like writing a happy journal this time either, as life is just generally eating my strength. This will probs be a rather long rant, so feel free to skip it or have a bed-time story about health issues.
From the early June I've been struggling mentally with this one Rehabilitation polyclinic I got a
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Comments4
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Ohhh Waittiz, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been feeling this way. It sounds like things have been very hard for much too long, and that'll wear you down fast. Our final university years are often the hardest. "Where do I go?" "Did I do something wrong?" "I just want to sleep." All that worry! But you have a lot of strength and courage. It shows, in all unyielding diligence. And what ValaSedai is 100% correct: sometimes we feel weaker because of fear, anxiety, depression, etc. Sometimes the road ahead seems foggy and dark, but it's a road nonetheless and there's nothing wrong with pulling over for a rest. Treat yourself well, okay? Hopefully this internship and stay with Sysi will do you some good.
We're all wishing you well, my friend! If you need a helping hand or somebody to talk to, I'm here for you.
We're all wishing you well, my friend! If you need a helping hand or somebody to talk to, I'm here for you.